One of the things that I have learned is how expectations effect reality. Just
because I am qualified to write and deliver a sermon doesn't make it happen
without the work of writing it and practicing it delivery. I have also realized
that I am entitled to nothing and that everything I want or need requires sustained
effort and commitment.
Over the last few weeks we have been talking about destructive patterns that
destroy relationships. They have been escalation, invalidation, negative expectation
and withdrawal. This week and next we are going to look at two ways given by
our Lord that I think are important in maintaining good communication and healthy
relationships.
Today we will talk about not having unrealistic expectations. This dynamic of
unrealistic expectations often happens when people expect unrealistic things
of each other. Often early discord in a marriage relationship is caused by the
makeover project each partner wants to do on another.
We see this dynamic in the story from Luke where Jesus was crucified between
two criminals. Jesus was in great pain caused by the sin of people. Instead
of feeling hurt or entitled to better treatment, he said, "Father forgive
them, for they do not know what they are doing." Jesus recognized that
the people who were doing the crucifying were sinful people, people who were
not perfect, who needed forgiveness. Jesus did not have unrealistic expectations
of anybody.
I know that I often do not think as our Lord. Instead of praying for the other
I pray like Elijah, that God will destroy my enemies with fire and a hammer.
As others gambled for his clothes, Jesus kept on praying for them. Paul says
in Romans 8:34; "Who is he that condemns us? Christ Jesus who died - more
than that, who was raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also
interceding for us." Jesus continues to pray for us, because often we do
things that we don't even realize hurts others.
Jesus forgiving from the cross is a contrast to the way that we often look at
people and what we expect of them. We all want perfection, that is I think,
what is at the bottom of the common syndrome of people who marry 3 or 4 times.
Perfection is just an idea. Compounding this is the sin called entitlement,
the belief that you deserve a certain reward or treatment.
This carries over to all parts of our lives. Have you ever met anyone who thinks
that their salary is high enough? At some level we are all asking, what have
you done for me lately? It is a disease that we might call; "You owe me."
Much of this occurs because we live in a world that ignores sin. As long as
sin exists in the world, things are not going to happen the way God planned
them. People will not treat you as you think you ought to be treated. Others
will have more than you do. Your best friend will have flaws that horrify you.
We need to accept our friends and families and partners and move on with forgiveness
or we will have no lasting relationships. Reinhold Niebuhr wrote the prayer;
"give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
courage to change the things which should be changed and the wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
It would be a shame to wreck and waste your life arguing over things that we
are not going to change. Even a seemingly noble endless pursuit of justice can
be a big of a waste of time since when some say justice they really mean an
obsession with getting even.
If it was about justice, Jesus would never have done what he did for us. Forgiveness
and love is not justice but grace. This grace comes to us as we hear God's word
and receive Jesus broken body in the Lord's Supper. We began by seeing the problems
in our relationships. Today we spoke about building loving and healthy relationships
the way God does, by starting with forgiveness and not having unrealistic expectations.
As in Ephesians 4:32; "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving
each other, just as God in Christ forgave you.